I remember how proud Henrietta was of a present that one of her staff gave her. Henrietta was a facility manager in a medium sized aged care company and one of her team had given her a very large white mug that had two words written on it in bold red capital letters: BOSS LADY. She was chuffed by this present and it sat pride in of place on her desk so that when you walked into her office it was the first thing that you saw. Henrietta was completely unaware of the impact this had on those who came into her office and saw this artefact of power. More critically however, Henrietta was unaware of how the artefact changed how she perceived herself as a leader and how it affected her behaviours.
Henrietta is not an isolated case. The vast majority of leaders are unaware of the unconscious schemas that guide their attitude towards leadership and their subsequent actions. This is a major issue because when we aren’t aware of the basis from which we operate then we tend to react to things and not display our best leadership behaviours.
And in today’s world, people expect so much from their leaders! They expect their leaders to be almost superhero-like. Yet the reality is that leaders are simply human beings having a leadership experience.
Which begs the question, how do people experience you as a leader?
We experience leadership like we experience all things in life: a deeply embodied one. We take in information through our five senses, primarily our sight and hearing. This information then immediately generates an emotional response. Take for example the clinical manager who jumps from solving one crisis to the next, always busy and always running. When asked why they don’t focus on the strategic priorities that would minimise the crises, their response is that they simply don’t have time. Leaders who operate from this space – what I call the embodied world – are reactive and while they certainly get problems solved, people experience them as distant, stressed and lack empathy.
An additional problem is that brain science tells us that when we regularly react from a place of crisis our behaviours become habits. After the last few years, we have become really really good at responding to crises.
A key leadership capacity then is to retain a state of equanimity by managing one’s own emotions. As a leader, every interaction with another person is an alchemic moment, because how you respond will either damage the relationship or strengthen it. We need to continuously manage our emotions in every single interaction throughout the day so that we can respond positively every time. When we do, we create a psychologically safe workplace. Yet how difficult is this in reality! Emotions are like beach balls. If you try and hold a beach ball under water then as soon as you let go it explodes upwards out of the water. Same as our emotions. Investing time to learn techniques to process our emotions is invaluable.
Leaders who are able to consciously manage their emotional response to events operate from the interpreted world which is where we utilise our pre-frontal cortex to think through what is happening and respond in a considered manner. Using discernment to think through a response is what separates humans from other species. Once we think clearly then we tap into our full capacity of curiosity, strategic thinking and innovation. The 9th Century Indian Prince Monk Shantideva says: “If, with mindfulness’ rope, The elephant of mind is tethered all around, Our fears will come to nothing, Every virtue drops into our hands”. It is possible to think clearly at all times but our mind requires training to remain aware of what is happening at this very moment. So, much of our time is lost ruminating on the past or solving future problems that don’t exist yet. When we are fully present in the moment then people experience empathy and validation.
In this space, our true humanity arises and we operate from our Inner World of beliefs, convictions, values and identity. Great leaders know what they stand for and what is important and this drives their thoughts and behaviours. When we regularly reflect on what it is to be a leader then we are able to have the greatest impact on others. Yet we spend so little time reflecting upon how we want to show up as a leader or how our experiences are shaping how we think about ourselves as a leader.
I recall a regional manager we worked with who used to be a Director of Nursing and a subject matter expert in dementia. People would come to her all the time to seek her advice so when she was promoted into the Regional Manager role she continued to think that leadership was having the answers and sharing her knowledge. People experienced her as always talking, always having an opinion and not listening. It was only when she reframed what it was to be leader did things change. We helped her to reframe her perspective on knowledge: that leaders are catalysts for others to discover the knowledge themselves rather than her original belief that she had to be the font of all knowledge.
Perhaps we can learn from Pythagoras who suggested that we reflect on these three questions at the end of each day: (1) what have I failed? (2) what have I accomplished? And (3) what have I neglected? Great leaders spend time investing in their inner capacity so that their thoughts, behaviours and reactions to the inevitable challenges of life are aligned to their self-belief in what it is to be a great leader.
Leadership matters. While people may think they want a superhero as a leader, what they truly want is to work with a good human.
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